Monday, June 22, 2009

PARENTING TEENS

Okay, so I was thinking the other day about what it's like being the Mom of two teenagers and my thoughts took me back to when my two oldest were just toddlers. As I pondered the various growing phases they have gone through, I was reminded how "high maintenance" they were at the pre-school age. Once they got into elementary school, things seemed to get a little easier. They became more self sufficient, could think for themselves, do more things for themselves, etc... For some odd reason I thought as they continued to get older, it would be smooth sailing by the time they became teenagers. Wow, was I ever in for a surprise! I suppose that would be true if my plans were to become an uninvolved parent offering very little input once they hit the teen years. Sometimes I think it would be far too tempting to fall into that trap because parenting can be a very exhausting task. It is very rewarding but very exhausting at times.

In all actuality, I think we've circled back around to the "high maintenance" phase again. I've discovered that my kids need me now, more than ever, even though they don't always show it. I seem to be the answer-all, the cheerleader, the taxi service, the ear to listen when they want to vent, the shoulder to cry on, the counselor, the friend and the Mom. Most often, the ear to listen and the advice giver. I've also learned a valuable lesson and that is... when my teenagers want to talk... drop whatever I am doing and talk.
I've found that when I try to bring up heartfelt conversation on my terms, it pretty much never works. It's like trying to pry top secret information out of a Marine, especially with my son. But, if I stop everything I'm doing to sit down and talk when
they want to talk... they will ramble on in an unloading session and tell me everything going on their lives. Those moments end up being precious bonding times that I will never get back.

Yesterday, my 15 year old daughter was watching videos of herself from when she was younger. I was doing housework and occasionally caught glimpses of what she was watching and I realized how quickly the years have gone by. The events on the video are so vividly imprinted on my mind as if they happened just a few days ago. However, it was very clear in seeing the toddler in the video and my 15 year old on the couch, that many years have gone by since then. Right then I made a decision to put forth the mental energy they need to go through ll the ups and downs of high school with them and be there to listen any time they want to walk. I recognize that fifteen more years will fly by just as quickly as the past 15. Their teenage adventures will be a memory of the past just like the videos of their toddler years and I want make sure I make each with them count.


Sunday, June 14, 2009

FORTY-ONE AND FABULOUS!!

Being a 40 something can be a quirky sort of age. You've not yet graduated into the class of senior citizen but then you definitely aren't that cute, little, perky 20 something anymore either. It kind of reminds me of those awkward, pre-teen years. You remember don't you? You are too old to play with and act like the "little" kids but then you are too young to be a cool enough to hang with the teenagers.

As I've rolled into my 40's, I've noticed how life has begun to take on a different perspective for me. In my 20's and 30's I was always dreaming and planning about tomorrow and what the future held for me. However, in my upper 30's, all that began to change and now I find myself reflecting and pondering more than anything else. Asking myself questions like, "what I have accomplished thus far on my journey through life?" "Have I spent enough time with my kids, have I done a good job in raising them?" "What could I have done differently whether it be in my finances, saving for kids college, in my marriage, etc... The list goes on & on and I think you get the point.

I realize how easy it would be for me to get stuck in the river of regrets if I sat and pondered all of my shortcomings long enough. In all reality, I've had to pick myself up and remind myself that I am only half way through my journey here on this earth and there is a whole lot of living yet to be done. My 15 year old daughter has a quote on her myspace that says, "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." I've thought a lot about that quote and have decided that as I go through my forties, I am going to adopt it as my motto so that I soar through these precious years rather than gravel through them. Forties will be fabulous!!!

LIVING HEALTHY

Some people are almost always in a good mood. They’re happy, even-tempered, and always see the bright side of situations. They don’t take themselves too seriously and they love to laugh. Keeping on the sunny side of life seems to come naturally.

But for many others, daily life is a dark storm. These people usually only see the gloomy, negative side of everything. They take things personally and with great seriousness. They often feel sad, irritated, and anxious. “Bad moods” keep them from enjoying life.

The Power of Moods

Moods have a powerful impact on us and those around us. Moods affect not only our mental health, but also our blood pressure, heart rate, stress hormones, sex drive, and immunity.

Mild depression or generally feeling moody can be related to hormonal imbalances. Thyroid and other endocrine dysfunction can radically affect moods. For women, premenstrual syndrome, menopause, and postpartum depression can have a significant effect on moods and energy. For men in andropause, a reduction in testosterone production can cause moodiness and depression.

Other possible contributing factors to mood disorders include:
  • Suboptimal nutritional intake
  • Biochemical imbalances
  • Chronic pain
  • Allergies
  • Food sensitivities
  • Aspartame
  • Head injuries
  • Alcohol and drug consumption
  • Lack of sleep and exercise

Diet and Exercise

What we eat and the amount of exercise we get every day directly affects our moods. Remarkable improvements in mood and emotions are quickly felt through simple changes in diet and exercise. Daily exercise and a nutritious diet stimulate the production of the body’s own feel-good, mood-elevating chemicals.

Researchers from Columbia University studied the connection between physical activity and mental disorders among adults in the United States. They found that participants who exercised regularly had better moods and fewer negative thoughts.

The balanced nutrient values of the foods we eat are essential to living a balanced, emotionally stable life. The macronutrients (protein, carbohydrates, fats) and micronutrients (vitamins, minerals, phytonutrients) in our food build the neuro-chemical foundation for our mental and physical health. By paying close attention to our food intake and how it affects our moods, we can begin to make the necessary adjustments to our diets that will lead to better emotional health.

Eliminating highly refined foods and eating a diet based on fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, beans, and nuts and seeds with adequate protein and essential fats will provide the strongest nutritional framework for emotional and mental health.

Mood Drug Side Effects

One in every four people experience some degree of depression and millions of them turn to commonly prescribed drugs to help them out of their doldrums. The most commonly prescribed antidepressant drugs are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Designed to control depression by preventing the brain from reabsorbing serotonin, these popular mood drugs have potentially negative side effects including anxiety, insomnia, agitation, violence, suicidal thoughts, nightmares, hallucinations, and sexual dysfunction.

Nutritional and Herbal Mood Boosters

Natural mood boosters are a welcome alternative with increasing popularity and are being used successfully by many people.

Omega-3 fatty acids are showing great promise as a nutritional mood booster. In his book The Omega-3 Connection: The Groundbreaking Anti-depression Diet and Brain Program (Simon & Schuster, 2001), Dr. Andrew L. Stoll blames a lack of the omega-3 fatty acids in our diets for altering our brain chemistry and leading to mood disorders and depression. Dr. Stoll, director of the psychopharmacology research lab at Boston’s McLean Hospital, suggests that restoring our body’s natural balance of omega-3 fatty acids may help alleviate and prevent many types of mood disorders and depression, even for those who don’t respond to traditional antidepressants.

The most concentrated food sources of omega-3s include flaxseed and cold- water fish such as salmon, mackerel, and herring. Raw nuts and seeds contain a blend of omega-3 and omega-6 fats. Omega-3 supplements are a convenient way to ensure optimal intake.

The entire family of B vitamins work together as major mood boosters. They function to nourish the nervous system, improve mental acuity, elevate mood, and assist cellular energy metabolism. A lack of any B vitamin can cause malaise and fatigue. Miso, brown rice, and other whole grains are good food sources of the B vitamins, but supplementing with a complete B complex vitamin will ensure adequate daily levels for improving moods.

Herbal Hero

The herbal hero award for mood-boosting undoubtedly goes to St. John’s wort (Hypericum perforatum). St. John’s wort (wort means herb in Old English) has been proven in dozens of studies to improve mood and sleep patterns. Researchers from the University of Munich evaluated and analyzed a series of randomized clinical trials conducted with St. John’s wort. Their overview was published in the British Medical Journal (2001). They reported that St. John’s wort was more effective than placebo and as effective as commonly prescribed drugs for mild to moderate depression without the side effects.

Other European studies to determine the effectiveness of St. John’s wort also found that a standardized extract of the herb worked as well as, if not better than, prescription drugs. It is important to take special precautions to protect your skin and eyes from the sun while taking St. John’s wort, as it does increase one’s sensitivity to light. Other herbal extracts such as turmeric (Curcuma longa) and Panax ginseng have also been shown effective in elevating moods and energy.

A daily program of regular exercise, healthy eating, nutritional and herbal supplements, and a cup of hot green tea may be the natural prescription you need to keep your mood on the sunny side.

Lucretia Schanfarber is a health writer and editor living on Quadra Island, BC.

Source: alive #264, October 2004